Naturally

Preparing to leave the states is a funny thing. So many mixed emotions. Getting rid of what you own; trying to pack up what you think you may need in the unknown future; excitement for where you are going; sadness for who you are leaving; mind in a million directions at once; closing accounts; unknowns. I wanted to leave well but was stuck with the fading time and practical tasks. I kept waiting for it to hit me that I was leaving. You know that feeling when you know in your head that you are going but sometimes it takes some time to believe. I figured it would hit me late and I would panic perhaps at the airport. I knew I was leaving but I could not shake that I would not be coming back in a few days. It just seemed I was unusually sad to be leaving people. The sadness was real, but otherwise I was going through the logical motions of leaving. Perhaps I have flown too much while working for the airline that I got too used to packing and going for short trips. I have waited for so long to come back to Uganda. I have poured out my passion time and time again; cried to God to let me end the waiting. Why was it that I could not grasp that it was finally here?

It did not hit me while I packed. It did not hit me at the airport; not as I waited in DC, in Ethiopia, nor during my 18 hours in the air. I simply arrived. Still I waited for some kind of natural response to having left everything I know to live indefinitely in another culture far away. I have now been here some time and I still feel as natural as any other day. I am sad and miss people in the US, but it seems so natural to be here. Of course I am here. Did God not tell me I would come back? I knew I would return and was waiting for it for so long. So here I am, finally, in the place God called me to years ago. It is time to begin. Here I am, somehow, naturally.