My Flesh and My Heart may Fail

So, It's been a while. Class has started full swing and is going well. The school classes seemed to take forever to actually get going (delay, delay, delay), but as they say, “TIA” – That is Africa. I can't believe I've been here five months already. It seems to fly so quickly. The last couple months have been a bit difficult. I went to Kampala a couple times to deal with immigration. It's like subjecting yourself to come kind of cruel torture – you go to find out what the next problem is, recognizing that there isn't really one. You just have to wait out the, “how many times can I make you come back” game. Does it give a sense of power to watch foreigners get frustrated in your controlled grasp? I did finally get the necessary letter from the NGO Board and took my file over to the Formal Immigration side. We're praying that it goes better now that I have a letter showing I've been thoroughly scrutinized. The school holiday unexpectedly proved a bit difficult as I slowly felt more disconnected from my work and most of my closest friends left for the holidays. I taught some classes and prepared materials for class, but without being with the kids the whole time I felt busy for nothing. I'm sure, however, that by the end of this term I will be begging for a break. I've been learning Acholi. I still can't hold conversation but I've learned a lot. Things make a lot more sense. The culture is also beginning to make a lot more sense. It's somehow surprising. Some of the behaviors I thought I would never understand are beginning to make sense. It is good to understand, but I hope that I am not simply becoming desensitized – I am still stubborn about my values. I've also been learning about self-care. They say its important. I still struggle with the concept, though I recognize it's fundamental idea. Besides being faced with my own humanity, emotions, and physical limitations (new ones like dust and inescapable unending heat and the African Sun), I've been getting emails from a creativity group I subscribed to on self-care and talked with another missionary who's been here a while. She warned me about recognizing my needs and being intentional about meeting them. She recognized mistakes made due to ignoring them, running out of cultural patience, and needing to now go home. I know it sucks when you refuse to learn something God is trying to teach you. He has to break you into the lesson. I don't want that to be me but I fear that is the direction I am heading. I just don't quite get it. It seems to contradict other values that also seem to be God given. I am a work in progress. I desire God and His will in my life even if I have to fumble around to get there. I'm not going to pretend I have it all together. He called me here; in His grace here I am, a work in progress.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:25-26

Grateful.